Holiday Eating Tips...

Wednesday, December 19, 2012


Don't worry, I have everything under control
and have the BEST Holiday Eating Tips to share with you today!

Avoid carrot sticks...

Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. 
In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately.
Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.  





 Drink as much eggnog as you can... 

And quickly. It's rare...you cannot find it any other time of year but now. 
So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? 
It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. 

It's a treat. 
Enjoy it. 
Have one for me. Have two. 




 If something comes with gravy, use it... 

That's the whole point of gravy. 
Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. 
Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. 
Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. 
Repeat. 


 Do not have a snack before going to a party 

in an effort to control your eating... 

The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. 
Lots of it...Hello? 


 Under no circumstances should you exercise 

between now and New Year's...


You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. 
This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while 
carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog. 



Cookies... 




If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted 
Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. 
Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. 

They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. 
If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again. 



 Same for pies... 



Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. 
Have a slice of each. 
Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. 
Always have three. 
When else do you get to have more than one dessert? 
Labor Day? 



 Did someone mention fruitcake?



Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, 
but avoid it at all cost. 
I mean, have some standards. 


 One final tip: 

If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, 
you haven't been paying attention!

Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. 

Remember this motto to live by: 


"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of 
arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, 
but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, 
totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!" 



Last but not least, the following is the proper way 
to weigh yourself during this time of year...





7 comments :

  1. Thanks for the smiles this a.m., Lois. Blessings to you and yours this Christmas.

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  2. Haha - thanks for the great advice!

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  3. Thanks so much for these useful tips, Lois! I was staring sadly at my bike, while holding a cookie in my hand, and feeling bad for not using it lately. I feel much better now! :)

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  4. Lois this post was so funny! You always bring a smile to my face :)

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