Holiday Eating Tips...

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

1.   Avoid carrot sticks. 
Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. 

In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. 
Go next door, where they're serving rum balls. 

2.   Drink as much eggnog as you can. 
And quickly. It's rare...you cannot find it any other time of year but now. 
So drink up! 

Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? 
It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. 
It's a treat.  Enjoy it. 
Have one for me.  Have two. 


3.   If something comes with gravy, use it. 
That's the whole point of gravy. 
Gravy does not stand alone. 
Pour it on. 
Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. 
Fill it with gravy.  Eat the volcano.  Repeat. 

4.   As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're
 made with skim milk or whole milk. 

If it's skim, pass. 
Why bother? 
It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission. 

5.   Do not have a snack before going to a party in 
an effort to control your eating. 
The whole point of going to a Christmas party is 
to eat other people's food for free.
 Lots of it.  Hello? 

6.   Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. 
You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. 

This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling 
the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog. 

7.   If you come across something really good at a buffet table, 
like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, 
position yourself near them and don't budge. 

Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. 
They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. 
If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again. 

8.   Same for pies. 
Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. 
Have a slice of each. 
Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. 
Always have three. 

When else do you get to have more than one dessert? 
Labor Day? 

9.   Did someone mention fruitcake? 
Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, 
but avoid it at all cost. 
I mean, have some standards. 

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party 
or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. 
Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. 
Remember this motto to live by: 

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!" 

Last but not least, don't forget the proper way to 
weigh yourself during this time of year...Enjoy!


12 comments :

  1. Yes, Lois, I will follow all of these wonderful tips with pleasure (and no guilt?) :) I think I just might print it out and stick it to the fridge so I don't forget any.

    Fun post and great stopping by to visit with you!

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  2. I LOVE THIS! :)

    Fabulous advice from a brilliant lady!

    Have a very Merry Christmas!

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  3. Love it! My diet is off for the holidays - definitely. Today I went by McDonalds for my favorite Eggnog shake.. and they stopped making them already! Don't they know it's not even Christmas yet?! :) Have a wonderful Christmas! -Tammy

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  4. Too cute Lois! How are you doing, sweetie? I haven't heard about when the Colonel will be returning...did I miss it? I seem to be missing lots of things!

    I am praying for a joyful Christmas for you and your family! What are your plans? May God make it extra special for you, my friend!

    Merry Christmas, Lois! Tell the Colonel the same from the Stewarts!

    Love and big hugs,
    Becky

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  5. Lois, you always have the cutest posts...did you know that 2 cups of eggnog has the same amount of fat as a whopper! Good Lord, that's a lot of fat...pour me another glass! HEHE! Merry Christmas!!

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  6. I hope I can remember all these tips. I have not done any baking or cooking and barely have decorated, so we will be looking for free food!
    Merry Christmas!
    Hugs, Debbie

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  7. Christmas Blessings to you and your family, From my mountain to yours Hugs and smiles Gl♥ria

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  8. oh gosh i got sick just reading ;-)

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