A Warning...

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

You've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves?
My thighs were stolen from me during
the night a few years ago.
I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs.
It was just that quick.
The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal.
Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine?
I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs.
Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans.
And then the thieves struck again.
My butt was next.
I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my
new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier.
But my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original!
I realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favor of long skirts.
Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched.
One morning as I was fixing my hair I was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush.
This was really getting scary...
...my body was being replaced one section at a time.
What could they do to me next?
When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck,
I decided to tell my story.
Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee!
Those 'plastic' surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts...
stolen from you and me!
The next time someone you know has something 'lifted', look again - was it lifted from you? THIS IS NOT A HOAX.
This is happening to women everywhere every night.
WARN YOUR FRIENDS!
P.S. Last year I thought some one had stolen my Boobs.
I was lying in bed and they were gone!
But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that
they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept.
Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.
Thought this was too 'important' not to pass on.
These same thieves went in my closet and shrunk my clothes!
How do they do it????

38 comments :

  1. Too funny... or should I say, too sad!

    I love the look of your blog. Everything looks so nice!

    Really enjoying the progress of your garden. I have been talking with two of my daughters about doing the same thing at their homes. The raised beds, like you have, are the best way to go. I also think their children would have a grand time planting, watching things grow and then harvesting. I know they would like to garden but their lives are pretty busy. Jill has three children of her own and watches three more. Jamie is expecting her fifth baby in December and her oldest will be six in August!

    Wow, this is a long winded comment :)

    Blessings! Lorraine

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  2. Oh my gosh that is too funny, lol!!!! I think that happened to me too, and they keep coming back!

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  3. I love your new look. It looks summery!
    This is way to funny~ if only it were not true!

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  4. I LOVED this..LOL...oh girl...you blessed me.

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  5. That is hysterical!!! :o)
    Sincerely ~ Tricia Anne

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  6. so funny:-) thanks for the laugh:-) I think my butt has been a victim of some abduction too:-)Its good to laugh at ourselves as we age:-0 Of course when I became older I don;t know when that happened either. Like when did 80's music become the oldies on the local stations.lol.

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  7. It gets worse. Just wait until that droopy eyed gray haired lady you have never seen before gets in front of you every time you look in the mirror or have your picture taken. Where did she come from? And the nerve of her, she is pretending to be you in front of friends and family. Doesn't she think they will know the difference?
    Have a blessed day,
    Hugs,
    AMY

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  8. I am laughing so hard which is a good way to start the day:) Thanks for visiting my blog and I wish the fountain was mine. It is at the Atlanta Botanical gardens and if you enlarge the photo you can see how interesting it is. I see your garden is sprouting already.
    Joyce

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  9. Thanks for the good laugh this morning! Have a great day

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  10. ...and my hands! How did they skin-graft my mom's hands onto mine-overnight!?...

    Hil-ar-i-ous, Lois!! Thanks for the giggles this morning:)

    Hugs,
    Linda

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  11. Funniest "funny" I've read in a long time!! Too bad I can identify with 'bout every body part mentioned ;-) Thanks for starting the day with a good laugh! -Tammy

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  12. That is too funny! Thanks for the laugh! Although I don't know what I think is so darned funny!! :-/

    Nancy

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  13. What a way to start a new day. This is too funny.I wish though that I would have gotten this warning earlier.They have already changed all my parts and even left some brown spots all over.
    thanks for sharing and I like the new background.
    Have a great day.

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  14. You are hysterical...just my kind of person! But you look far too young for any of this to be real.

    Seriously, think we can sue those plastic surgeons and regain our parts, or heck with the suing, let's just go for the parts!!

    Thanks for making the world a better place instead of a bitter place!

    blessings,marcy

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  15. Very funny Lois! This happened to me long ago :) .....I needed a good laugh today, thanks! Enjoyed your garden pictures. We have a small garden filled w/tomatos, peppers, herbs and lot's of flowers in pots. Love gardening, so relaxing. Have a blessed day!

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  16. haha! You cracked me up with this one.

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  17. I can totally relate! Everything is starting to sag and droop!

    By the way, I thought I would respond to your comment left on my blog yesterday. We live in Mississippi. We've also had a very wet year, but now it's just plain HOT!

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  18. Oh, my gosh I almost peed my pants laughing so hard! I knwo they came and took my everything during the night....this body is not mine for sure!! {{{giggle}}}

    Thanks for sharing!!
    Hugs~T

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  19. So funny. I'm wondering who stole my nice smooth unwrinkled skin. Seems like that might be hard to accomplish. lol
    Charlotte

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  20. How funny! And how scarily true!! It think they are the same people who sneak in at night and dye my roots grey, and put those little white hairs in my fringe at the same time!!

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  21. Oh, how TRUE! It's just terrible isn't it? Thanks for the good laugh/cry!!!

    Mandy

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  22. Oh wow do I relate. Too funny!
    I feel as if I have had a complete body transplant. It's not the same one I used to have I know that for sure!!
    Thanks for the wonderful laugh.
    blessings to you
    Sandra in New Zealand

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  23. Oh I forgot to add that I love anything Amish too.
    Have a great day!

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  24. Hi Lois ,
    This is to much, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry while reading this!! LOl. The same thieves who stole your body parts stole mine!! And i don't like the ones they replaced them with either. Loved it just loved it!! much love and hugs,
    sue

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  25. Oh sweet peas, Lois!!! This is absolutely hilarious!!

    They hit my house, too!! LOL!! Thanks for the smiles, gal!!

    Love and hugs,
    Becky

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  26. This is so cute! I'm a totally different person LOL

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  27. Hi Sunshine,
    That is a hilarious post. Invasion of the body parts for sure!!
    Well, just checked my blog and saw your comments, thanks for taking the time. All my company has gone. We had a great time, we are worn out.......we are not used to having little ones around
    and their is a set of 2yr of twins,
    and a 5 yr. old, and you know how it is when they are not getting proper naps and enough sleep and not eating and having their routine.
    They are worn out and so are their
    poor parents. My heart goes out to them, cause I remember only too well those days!! I look back
    and wonder how we made it thru that. It was exhausting, but wonderful!! Think it is the wonderful that gets you thru it.
    My daughter got my hair colored and it came out nice as always, she is the best hairdresser I have
    ever had!! Well, you have a good
    day tomorrow hon, I am packing it off to beddie bye.
    Blessings, Nellie

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  28. Lois,
    Your new blog look is lovely!! :)

    Blessings~ Jen

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  29. i could not stop laughing!!! neither could my husband and oldest son. the younger kids were a little miffed about me reading it. oh this is just too good!!! i want to link to this so more people can read it. you are hilarious!!

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  30. positively hilarious. I LOVE it.

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  31. I was sent here by outdoor mom. That was awesome I am dying from laughter.

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  32. Thanks for the laugh! At least I can prepare mentally for the physical changes I will encounter down the road.

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  33. Hahahahaha! I have laughed and laughed all the way through this. I must have the same thief down here in Tennessee. I needed this today.

    Have a wonderful weekend!

    God is so Good!

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