Okay, so what do you do when you have a sort of break down in church? Well it happened to me this past Sunday. I didn't plan it, but then again I guess most breakdowns aren't scheduled!
If you've been a regular reader of my blog, you know how honest I've been regarding my dad's passing and how it's been hard for me lately to be in church. Don't worry, I haven't stopped going...just miss my dad most when I'm in church. The more I think about that, I think it's okay, because my dad loved church so much.
When we were little and would go on vacations to General Council, we would leave very early in the morning, usually sometime before dawn, in hopes of stopping mid afternoon, 4:00 or so at the stop over hotel to enjoy some time in the pool.
Right before we would leave the hotel to find a place to eat dinner, my mother and father would get out the yellow pages and look up all the A/G churches in the area. And, the most important part, if the church was near our hotel, we would take a drive by the church! My sister and I could never figure this out....why are we driving by another church if we're never going to go inside?
Well, now that I'm grown I understand why it was important for my father to see the different churches...he loved church. He truly loved being in the House of God. So I think that's why when I'm in church lately, I find myself thinking about my dad and how much he loved being so close to his Savior. I feel my dad's presence so deeply in church. I can close my eyes and I'm a little girl again listening to my dad preach, hearing him sing, even if it was off key.
Okay, back to my break down, a lady gets up in front of my mom and me and gives a testimony of how the Lord has healed her daughter of cancer. I'm very happy, I've prayed for this young woman; I'm happy the cancer is in remission. But she goes on to tell us how we need to not give up hope on our prayers being answered because God is faithful, He sees how faithful we are to Him and He will not let us down.
Well that brought up all the memories of how we all suffered with questions of why did this have to happen to my father? "He's been so faithful, he's served the Lord all these years." If any one's been a faithful servant, it was my dad. Well I just started crying, not a little, but quite a bit. The pastor had everyone stand and sing the song, "Look What the Lord Has Done" and I lost it then. My mother just reached over and held my hand until everyone was done singing.
These past few days I needed to remind myself that the Lord HAS been faithful to my father. Yes, my father didn't recover from his fall and the Lord never restored him to what he was before the fall, but you know what? The Lord restored him with a new and glorified body, only this body is now in heaven sitting at the feet of our Savior. So my dad is sort of in church all the time now and that makes me happy.
Sitting at the Feet of Jesus...
Sitting at the feet of Jesus, Oh, what words I hear Him say!
Happy place! so near, so precious! May it find me there each day;
Sitting at the feet of Jesus, I would look upon the past;
For His love has been so gracious, It has won my heart at last.
Sitting at the feet of Jesus, Where can mortal be more blest?
There I lay my sins and sorrows, And, when weary, find sweet rest;
Sitting at the feet of Jesus, There I love to weep and pray;
While I from His fullness gather, Grace and comfort every day.
Bless me, O my Savior, bless me, As I sit low at Thy feet;
Oh, look down in love upon me, Let me see Thy face so sweet;
Give me, Lord, the mind of Jesus, Keep me holy as He is;
May I prove I’ve been with Jesus, Who is all my righteousness.