A Breakdown in Church...

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Okay, so what do you do when you have a sort of break down in church? Well it happened to me this past Sunday. I didn't plan it, but then again I guess most breakdowns aren't scheduled!

If you've been a regular reader of my blog, you know how honest I've been regarding my dad's passing and how it's been hard for me lately to be in church. Don't worry, I haven't stopped going...just miss my dad most when I'm in church. The more I think about that, I think it's okay, because my dad loved church so much.

When we were little and would go on vacations to General Council, we would leave very early in the morning, usually sometime before dawn, in hopes of stopping mid afternoon, 4:00 or so at the stop over hotel to enjoy some time in the pool.

Right before we would leave the hotel to find a place to eat dinner, my mother and father would get out the yellow pages and look up all the A/G churches in the area. And, the most important part, if the church was near our hotel, we would take a drive by the church! My sister and I could never figure this out....why are we driving by another church if we're never going to go inside?

Well, now that I'm grown I understand why it was important for my father to see the different churches...he loved church. He truly loved being in the House of God. So I think that's why when I'm in church lately, I find myself thinking about my dad and how much he loved being so close to his Savior. I feel my dad's presence so deeply in church. I can close my eyes and I'm a little girl again listening to my dad preach, hearing him sing, even if it was off key.

Okay, back to my break down, a lady gets up in front of my mom and me and gives a testimony of how the Lord has healed her daughter of cancer. I'm very happy, I've prayed for this young woman; I'm happy the cancer is in remission. But she goes on to tell us how we need to not give up hope on our prayers being answered because God is faithful, He sees how faithful we are to Him and He will not let us down.

Well that brought up all the memories of how we all suffered with questions of why did this have to happen to my father? "He's been so faithful, he's served the Lord all these years." If any one's been a faithful servant, it was my dad. Well I just started crying, not a little, but quite a bit. The pastor had everyone stand and sing the song, "Look What the Lord Has Done" and I lost it then. My mother just reached over and held my hand until everyone was done singing.

These past few days I needed to remind myself that the Lord HAS been faithful to my father. Yes, my father didn't recover from his fall and the Lord never restored him to what he was before the fall, but you know what? The Lord restored him with a new and glorified body, only this body is now in heaven sitting at the feet of our Savior. So my dad is sort of in church all the time now and that makes me happy.

Sitting at the Feet of Jesus...

Sitting at the feet of Jesus, Oh, what words I hear Him say!
Happy place! so near, so precious! May it find me there each day;

Sitting at the feet of Jesus, I would look upon the past;
For His love has been so gracious, It has won my heart at last.

Sitting at the feet of Jesus, Where can mortal be more blest?
There I lay my sins and sorrows, And, when weary, find sweet rest;
Sitting at the feet of Jesus, There I love to weep and pray;
While I from His fullness gather, Grace and comfort every day.

Bless me, O my Savior, bless me, As I sit low at Thy feet;
Oh, look down in love upon me, Let me see Thy face so sweet;
Give me, Lord, the mind of Jesus, Keep me holy as He is;
May I prove I’ve been with Jesus, Who is all my righteousness.


  1. And again, such a touching post. {{hugs}}

  2. I can so relate to this Lois. It was very hard for me for months to worship in church without weeping after my mom passed away. God is faithful...

  3. You know I think more people should share what it's like...losing someone. I think as a child I was always taught, you'll see your loved one again, etc, that maybe it's not that hard to lose someone you love, and we don't grieve as those who have no hope, but WE do. Grief is grief and it's okay to feel sad. Another friend of mine related something just the same about how hard it was for her in church the months following her mother's passing, even though we know we will see our parents again, it's still sad.

  4. Yeah, I can relate so much too. I broke down in church 1 month before Daddy died, I already shared that with everyone in an earlier post on my blog after Daddy died. Not knowing why I was breaking down, but it was about Daddy, and he was well and alive then, and it was the week before his accident...the Lord was preparing me for what was to come, really. I have moments now thinking about Daddy, and I know he's in heaven, but I think of his body all alone there in the grave. Yeah, I know "he's" not there, but his body that I love is still there in that coffin....I'm having a hard time with that one. Yeah, I think about Daddy's accident, it was so unfair - TRAGIC! He served the Lord all his life, everything was the Lord, and church...even on vacations. Why did Dad have to suffer so much? I would love to see what Daddy is doing now in Heaven....looking down on us, yes...I do believe he sees us and I know he was there watching over Davey when he was lost months back....people say no our loved ones don't look down and see us..I remember Daddy saying they do. I miss Daddy too, hard for me to go to Mom's house lately...he's not there to frustrate me, it's too quiet there. Anyway, grieving is good...we all have to do it. Love, ME!

  5. I have to be honest and say that I have issues when it comes to the church but I understand grief. Its ok to miss someone, its ok to cry, its ok to question and its healthy to let it out and write like you just did. This was touching and I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sure you have a lot of good memories and that will light up your heart and keep you going.

  6. Good evening! I found you through "There's No Place Like Home". 4 years ago I lost both my Mom and Dad 4 1/2 months apart. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I was close to my parents, especially my wonderful Mom, and just posted on my blog yesterday about how I have really been missing her. I agree that people don't talk enough about this. I think it's because they don't know what to say. Sometimes it seems like it just happened and sometimes it seems like it never happened. I still feel like I should be able to call her and have her answer. Don't be too hard on yourself. God is such a good gracious and merciful God. He will catch each one of your tears, and comfort you with that peace that surpasses understanding. You will still cry, still mourn, still miss him, but God will help your sad heart to heal. May He blanket your soul with comfort and peace. Visit my blog and look at the post from yesterday. You'll see my Mom...in my opinion, the most wonderful, beautiful person who ever lived! Email please, if you ever need to talk.
    You're in my prayers,
    Love in Christ, Becky

  7. Good Morning!! I'm glad you enjoyed the pics of my Mom and great Grandmother.

    Grief truly is a weird experience. Sometimes it's so gut-level, other times so surreal and even numbing. Give yourself plenty of time to experience all the emotions that accompany your loss. But rest in that blessed assurance, and climb up in the Lord's lap and let Him be your Daddy's arms, and just love on you. He knows how difficult this is, and wants to meet your every need. :)

    As for my pumpkins, they were bought at Hobby Lobby, and a local boutique shop that I love. I just search out very different looking ones, and if I have the money, I add it to my growing collection. Living in FL we don't see much evidence of the change of seasons, so I create it in my home. My hubby, though very talented and diverse, didn't make the one with the cut work. It is my favorite, though of them all.

    Know that you're in my thoughts and prayers. Gentle blessings to you today.