I cannot seem to get over this feeling of despair that's been slowly invading my life. I'm usually not a pessimistic person. I always try to find something to be thankful and grateful for. When my father was first in the hospital after his accident, I even wrote an entry on the old chorus, "This is the day, I WILL rejoice."
But life has been so hard for me lately. I feel my father's absence so much more than when he first died. I'll be going about my day and all of a sudden it will hit me...oh, he's gone. The tears are still just right under the surface. When will I be able to think of my dad without them pouring down my face?
And being in church is so hard as well. I can close my eyes on a Sunday morning and picture myself back in Bethlehem. I see my father up on the platform worshipping during a song service. I hear him saying, "Sing it again, sing it again!"
But to think about my dad preaching just makes me so sad. He was such a powerful preacher, I still think one of the best I've ever heard. When my father was packing up his study before their move last spring, I asked him for a few of his sermon books. He gave me all of his sermons on the book of Psalms. Oh how I have loved reading them! I love just flipping through the pages, thinking of how much time he spent preparing them and praying over the words that are on each page.
So I will leave you with one of my favorite verses today for Scripture Saturday and a little of what my dad wrote...
Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing:
Thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness;
To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever.
My father wrote, there was a heavy heart, a sad eye, a downward look and a dragging step...oh that describes me these days! But, then Jesus came and He made all things new, He brought change, now there is an upward look, a bright eye, a glad smile, a fast step that even at times springs as if you were to dance.
He has saved us with a great salvation that our praises may abound unto Him and not be silent...be not silent, but sing of your salvation!
I feel as if my dad is speaking this to me...I will try...I promise...Amen!
Scripture Saturday...Saturday, October 25, 2008
Originally from Queens, NY, Lois now calls northeastern PA home. You can find her blogging over at Walking on Sunshine where she shares a little of her life, but more importantly what’s for dinner at her house tonight.
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