I cannot seem to get over this feeling of despair that's been slowly invading my life. I'm usually not a pessimistic person. I always try to find something to be thankful and grateful for. When my father was first in the hospital after his accident, I even wrote an entry on the old chorus, "This is the day, I WILL rejoice."
But life has been so hard for me lately. I feel my father's absence so much more than when he first died. I'll be going about my day and all of a sudden it will hit me...oh, he's gone. The tears are still just right under the surface. When will I be able to think of my dad without them pouring down my face?
And being in church is so hard as well. I can close my eyes on a Sunday morning and picture myself back in Bethlehem. I see my father up on the platform worshipping during a song service. I hear him saying, "Sing it again, sing it again!"
But to think about my dad preaching just makes me so sad. He was such a powerful preacher, I still think one of the best I've ever heard. When my father was packing up his study before their move last spring, I asked him for a few of his sermon books. He gave me all of his sermons on the book of Psalms. Oh how I have loved reading them! I love just flipping through the pages, thinking of how much time he spent preparing them and praying over the words that are on each page.
So I will leave you with one of my favorite verses today for Scripture Saturday and a little of what my dad wrote...
Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing:
Thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness;
To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever.
My father wrote, there was a heavy heart, a sad eye, a downward look and a dragging step...oh that describes me these days! But, then Jesus came and He made all things new, He brought change, now there is an upward look, a bright eye, a glad smile, a fast step that even at times springs as if you were to dance.
He has saved us with a great salvation that our praises may abound unto Him and not be silent...be not silent, but sing of your salvation!
I feel as if my dad is speaking this to me...I will try...I promise...Amen!