Why Does it Still Hurt So Much...

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Can somebody please tell me why does it still hurt so much when I think of my father? My mom and I are going to the cemetery today to try and do some planting. My dad would have liked knowing we're not neglecting the cemetery plot.

My dad has been gone three months now and we've been back every month. It's not an easy thing to do considering the cemetery is 2 hours away for us. But, it's important. My dad always made sure we would stop and "visit" when we were in the area. Mom said they were nearby last year and they stopped. Dad got out of the car and for the longest time just stood there. Did he know how close he was to dying?

Today is my dad's birthday. He would have been 76 today. I still think he died too young. And sometimes I still think he's going to come walking up my driveway while we're all sitting on our back porch and say, "Lois, why did you leave me in that nursing home?" Or, "Please Lois, a nice cup of coffee with something sweet to eat." And my mother would reply back, "Bill, you just had a cup of coffee."

But...I know that's not going to happen. I will never see my dad as he was here on earth. I will never hear him say, "Ya, sure" again. But, it's something that we all are now saying. We heard it so much, it's made its way into our vocabulary.

I still think of how sick he was and how nobody would listen to us. I still cry every day. And when I get to feeling bad about crying I think of John 11:35, "Jesus wept." If Jesus can cry, so can I. Until I get home to heaven, there's going to be an ache inside of me that won't quit.

Well, Daddy, Happy Birthday. I hope you know how much we miss you and love you. I'll see you soon! I think the following verses speak volumes to me today...

2 Timothy 4:6-8, "For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight; I have finished the race; I have kept the faith. Now this is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day- and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for him appearing."

John 11:25 "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die."


  1. Dear Lois

    It hurts so much because you loved him so much. It seems that love is always accompanied by pain.

    There is love and happiness when someone comes into your life. Pain when it goes away.

    The first death in a family is always the hardest. We can't believe that such a thing has happened to us. As time goes by and life takes its' normal course, and we lose others, it gets less painful.

    The pain is still there, but now you accept the reality that we are mortal.

  2. Lois, what a beautiful tribute to your dad. And your writing is really wonderful as well.